


Missing Out

by carolion



Series: Realize [2]
Category: American Idol RPF
Genre: Angst, Coming of Age, Gen, Gen Fic, M/M, Pre-Slash, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-31
Updated: 2011-12-31
Packaged: 2017-10-28 13:40:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,337
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/308433
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carolion/pseuds/carolion
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Archie's afraid of missing out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Missing Out

"I just thought of something."

"Hi Archie, how are you? I'm well, thanks."

"Sorry, sorry, I just-"

"It's okay Arch, I was just teasing, what's up?"

David knows that he should stop calling Cook like this. It's, well, it's _rude_. And Cook totally has better things to do than talk David through his stupid little insecurities. But... but Cook wouldn't ever laugh at him. Not for _this_ , not when he really needs help, because duh, Cook laughs at him like, all the time. It's nice laughing though, kind of affectionate, and it makes David feel - special rather than embarrassed. (Well okay it made him feel totally embarrassed, but _also_ special, and sort of warm inside, like, glowy? But in his chest. It was weird. But good!) In any case, he really can't talk to anyone else about this because they would _totally_ not "get it" and try to answer for him, instead of helping him find his own answer. That's what he likes about Cook. Cook is _patient_.

"I just - I just realized something. Do you remember what we talked about, um, last time?" David hand feels loose on the phone so he tightens his grip anxiously, shifting his hips in his seat.

"Yeah. I do. Is it still bugging you?" Cook answers. He sounds, well, he sounds tired. David suddenly feels really, really guilty.

"Oh I - yes, but, am I - are you busy? Or, I can call back later... I don't want to, um, bother you or whatever. You're probably super busy or something, I'm sorry." _It was a dumb idea to call him,_ David thinks to himself.

"No, no, it was just a long day. I always have time for you, Arch." Cook says, but David thinks _No you don't,_ miserably, remembering the long stretches of time when they barely said two words to each other, maybe getting in a few stray texts now and then. He doesn't realize he's been silent until Cook says, "Archie?"

"Oh!" Dang it. He really needs to work on not drifting off like that, especially in the middle of conversations. "Um, yeah. It's still - bugging me. But I thought of something!"

"Oh really? Want to share with the class?" Cook sounds sort of amused, which makes David a little happier, even though he doesn't always get his humor.

"So, I've never really liked anyone, or been in love or whatever, but then I thought, well, I don't really know what it feels like to be in love. So maybe I _have_ been love, but I just, you know, haven't realized it. Because I didn't know." It sounds way dumber when he says it out loud. He bites his lip and closes his eyes, hoping Cook will understand or at least _humor_ him.

"I'm pretty sure you would know if you'd been in love Archie," Cook says skeptically, and David can _hear_ the frown in his voice.

"But it's _me_ Cook. And I'm _weird_ , okay? It takes me like, forever to get a joke, and I'm always the last one to know what's going on, I'm just, I guess, super unobservant. You've been in love right?" His heart beats a little faster which is - interesting. Kind of weird, actually, but whatever. Cook is slow to answer.

"Yeah. Yeah I have. A couple of times," the other man responds eventually, sounding even more reluctant to speak than before. David can't imagine being in love more than _once_ , gosh. If you're in love like, that's _it_ , that's _the_ person, or it should be, shouldn't it? Well, Cook has way more experience. (How would you know which love was the _right_ love though? This is way more complicated than David thought!)

"Can you just... what's it like? Being in love? Can you describe it to me?"

Cook is quiet for a long time, but David doesn't say anything, just holds his breath and waits.

"Being in love is... Sometimes it sneaks up on you. You start to care about someone, so much more than you've ever cared about anyone. Their opinions are the most important to you, and you hate to see them hurting or upset. All you want to do is fill their life with joy." Cook pauses for second. "When you're away from them, it hurts. More than just missing your friends or your family, it actually _aches_. You can't imagine your life without them. You'd be happy just to spend every day with them, if you could. Even when you fight, if you love them, you know it will work out because nothing is more important than keeping them by your side, and making them happy. And, well, usually when you love someone you, you know, desire them. It’s okay to imagine kissing them or touching them because it’s _real_ and it _means_ something."

David's heart twists painfully.

"Sounds - amazing." He says truthfully, and feels wistful and terribly sad all of a sudden.

"It can be," Cook replies, sounding kind of how David feels. "It's harder when the person doesn't love you back."

David licks his lips – they’re dry, all of a sudden. “Isn’t it scary to care about someone that much?”

Cook laughs, but it isn’t happy. It’s hollow, and painful, and it makes David cringe.

“Yeah. It’s really, really scary. But – that’s love. You can’t predict it and you can’t really deny it. It’s just there and it happens. I doubt you could ignore it David.” His voice is soft and soothing, even if it is a little sad. David figures he’s remembering his old loves and feels bad for bringing it up. He wishes he could make feel Cook feel better, wishes he had never brought it up.

“Maybe I’ll never fall in love,” he says glumly.

“Oh, I don’t know. You’re too full of love to _not_ fall in love, Arch. Like I said, you have lots of time. You’re busy and you’re young.”

“I just don’t want to miss it!” David blurts out, his anxiety suddenly flooding him. It’s almost painful, how honest he realizes he’s being. He’s _afraid_ , afraid that he’s going to be too oblivious and completely walk past the person who could be his _everything_.

“Archie – if that person loves you, they’re going to wait for you. They’re not going to disappear from your life, okay? And that’s what you want when you fall in love. To have someone love you back.” Cook’s voice is a little tight and David feels a wash of emotion, confusing and jumbled. It’s overwhelming and he has to take a few deep breaths before he can speak.

“I – thanks. Thank you Cook.” There’s not really anything else he can say. “Do you think someone, um, someone will fall in love with me? And wait for me?” Cook laughs.

“I think it’s already happened Arch.”

David blinks in surprise. Well, his fans _are_ really, um, doting. He got a photoshopped picture of him in a groom’s tuxedo, and some girl in a wedding dress just the other day, so. He thinks that maybe this is Cook’s weird sense of humor again.

“Listen, I’m going to go, unless – was that okay? Did I help or,” Cook sort of laughs again, “did I make it worse?”

David doesn’t really want to get off the phone but Cook sounded tired right from the start, and David has been totally selfish about this.

“Oh my gosh, sorry, um, yes. It helped. Thanks again, Cook.”

“It’s no problem Archie. Sleep well.”

David nods into a dial tone, setting his phone down carefully. He feels empty and hollow – none of the warmth that Cook gave him stayed. Suddenly he longs for one of Cook’s big, embracing hugs, the ones that would be totally embarrassing and uncomfortable if it wasn’t _Cook_ , and because it’s Cook they just feel _awesome_ and safe. But he can’t have that.

He just gets ready for bed and tries to think about other things for a while, instead of what it will be like to finally fall in love.


End file.
